Build Your Decluttering Confidence

Decluttering is all about decision making, so you want to build your decluttering confidence to feel comfortable with the process. The tips here will help you gently support your decluttering journey.

Hands place unwanted items in a cardboard box as the person builds their decluttering confidence.

Throughout my life, I’ve struggled to feel confident in many aspects of my life. Even when I first began decluttering, I was convinced that I was going to make mistakes that I’d regret. You see, I grew up with parents who held onto everything because these things could be useful someday.

Unfortunately, that mindset resulted in rooms that were so full of stuff that we were lucky if we could sidle along a narrow path through the room. And yet, when I started sorting through my stuff, my stomach would tighten in knots.

What if I lost weight and fit into those clothes? What if I decided to get back into watercolor painting? What if I wanted to read that book again? (Or for the first time?)

At times, I felt like I was mentally and physically trying to push my way through mud as I tried to let go of possessions.

Changing My Mindset

A couple of years after my mother died, I noticed my father dealing with more confusion and he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. My brother and I didn’t know if we’d have to sell the house to pay for his care, so I began emptying the house.

I started with easy areas … the bathroom, the refrigerator, and a dedicated freezer. I knew most of the stuff here was expired, so there would be no questions or doubts about tossing this stuff.

I then moved onto other items in the house, sticking with those that I knew I could box up for donation or that I needed to toss because of the poor condition of the items.

The more decluttering I did, the more “useful but unused” stuff I found. I realized that if I kept these things then my apartment would end up looking like my parents’ house. I found their house so stressful that my decluttering confidence grew.

It occurred to me that things that could be useful “someday” would diminish the quality of my life today.

Woman's hands placing items in a box as she practices her decluttering confidence.

Where Decluttering Confidence Comes From

Emptying my parents’ house helped to increase my decluttering confidence … even when I turned my focus to my own possessions.

When I became a professional organizer to help others gain the benefits of decluttering, I encountered a lot of people who wanted to learn to store what they had. They weren’t convinced that they could give up their stuff without negative consequences.

But when I talked with people who began to look at their possessions with an eye toward letting go of what they didn’t need, they built momentum as they became more confident in the decision-making process that is decluttering.

Build Your Confidence

I learned that decluttering taught me more about making decisions than simply reading or watching videos about decluttering.

Declutter with a Purpose

One of the biggest stumbling blocks people encounter surrounding decluttering is thinking that they have to get rid of something just because they see it on a “must declutter” list or because they haven’t used it in the past six months (a common “rule”).

However, you should keep the things you use, display, and cherish. Decluttering helps you to better see what you do find important.

You might not find thinking about your reasons for decluttering particularly motivating. Instead, think about how you would spend your time at home if your home was more organized.

The idea of having a cleaner dining table might not prompt you into action. However, the thought of having the space for impromptu evenings of crafting might encourage you to excavate the stuff piled on the table.

Understanding how you want to use the decluttered and organized areas in your home can encourage you to push outside your comfort zone and consider that you’ve been holding onto things that just are that important to you.

Start Slow

If you haven’t decluttered before (or for a while), don’t command yourself to declutter your closet for five hours on Thursday evening or in your garage on the next three-day weekend.

Go for some small wins that will fit into your everyday schedule … the medicine cabinet, the coffee table, your pantry, the sock or underwear drawer, your nightstand, and so on. Remember, you’re building your confidence and becoming more comfortable with decluttering.

Be Kind to Your Body and Mind

When you decide to declutter, you may feel that the best way to get results is to push yourself to get as much as you can accomplish as quickly as you can.

You sort through clutter when you are physically and mentally exhausted and you know you aren’t making the best possible decisions. You may ignore your need to get a drink of water, eat a snack, go to the bathroom, or give yourself a rejuvenating break because you don’t want to waste time.

It’s hard to feel confident when you’re wearing yourself down. Decluttering takes time … probably more time than you wish it would. However, making yourself miserable may kill your motivation (because who wants to do things that will make you feel defeated?).

Celebrate Your Small Wins

In his book Tiny Habits, BJ Fogg makes celebrating tiny actions part of his habit-forming formula. His theory is that we do things that make ourselves feel good. If we want to encourage ourselves to do something that’s good for us, we should celebrate associated small wins because this lets our brain understand that doing an action (decluttering) makes us feel good.

Instead of trying to prompt yourself into action by saying far nastier things to yourself than you would ever say to someone else, you cheer on your actions.

“Great job! I organized my sock drawer and got rid of all those orphaned socks.”
“Ta-dah! Now I can direct people to my mug shelf instead of rooting around for mugs that are hidden in this or that cabinet. This will help me feel more relaxed when hosting.”
“Huzzah, I put my keys on the hook by the door. No more rushing around looking for them in the morning!”

Stop Comparing Your Home to Images on Social Media

Those photos and videos of perfectly organized rooms, shelves, and closets on Instagram? Staged. The moment someone spends time in that room or uses something, things will look less perfect.

You aren’t decluttering just so you can take a photo that represents a fraction of a second in your home. You’re decluttering so it will be easier to spend time in your home and do the things that you want to do there.

You’ll be able to find what you need when you want it, and you’ll make it easier to put things away. The goal isn’t perfection but function.

I know, I know, you’re looking at these images to inspire your efforts. But consider if you are trying to solve a problem (“Is there a better way to organize my pots and pans?”) or if you’re shaming yourself into action when scrolling social media. (I’d rather watch funny cat videos.)

Find Supportive People

You know the people you don’t want to talk to about decluttering.

The people who tell you to hold onto things “just because.”
The people who tell you to get rid of things you care about, but they don’t.
The people who “joke” about your mess and disorganization.
The people who roll their eyes when you tell them you’re decluttering.

While I emptied my parents’ house … and then went through my own stuff … I had friends with whom I chatted about decluttering. It’s invigorating to talk with people who support you and keep you on track.

This is one of the reasons why I’ll be introducing Determined Declutterers in April 2025. It’s an online community that meets once a week to focus on setting their intentions for the upcoming week while reviewing what worked and didn’t work during the past week.

It’s all about finding your purpose, celebrating your wins, and learning how to feel more confident with each small task. Join my weekly email newsletter to be the first to know when the first session opens.

Feel More Confident when You Declutter

Decluttering is all about decision-making and the best way to feel more confident about the choices you make is to …

Understand your reason for decluttering an area of your home.
Start slowly and build momentum.
Give yourself breaks.
Celebrate your every small decluttering win because you’ll feel more encouraged to declutter and organize again.
Remember that images of tidy homes are staged. Most of the time, your home will look lived in because, well, you live there.
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