Decluttering Your Guilt about Decluttering

Decluttering can fill you with doubts. Will you need something that you get rid of sometime in the future? Who is the best person to give this to? Should you try to sell these things? Unfortunately, these doubts become feelings of guilt that can leave you feeling stuck. And that leads to procrastination and a loss of momentum. When you address why you feel guilty about decluttering, you can better understand what actions you want to take.

Throughout this post, you’ll find questions for you to contemplate (in your thoughts, on paper, or out loud … while you’re alone, with someone you trust, or even with a pet). If you find the mere idea of thinking about decluttering certain things too anxiety provoking, this may not be the time to do so, particularly with those items.

Remember, decluttering is about deliberate decision-making and not about getting rid of things because that's what some random decluttering "rule" is telling you to do. If you want to keep something, it’s your right to do so. And if you no longer want to own something, that choice is also in your right.

Please note that I’m a professional organizer, not a therapist or mental health professional. Guilt is a strong emotion and if you feel it is blocking you from moving forward in your life, speak with a professional.

Here I’m talking about feelings of doubt you experience during the decluttering decision-making process.

Where Decluttering Guilt and Doubts Come From

When it comes to decluttering, you may feel guilt associated with the decisions you are making about your possessions. While you’re holding a physical item, your thoughts are on the person who gave you that thing or left it to you as an inheritance.

Do you remember as a kid having your parents tell you to say “thank you” when someone gave you something, even if you didn’t want it? You learned that it was socially unacceptable to hurt someone’s feelings. But more than that, you saw how pleased someone was to give you something and that felt pretty good.

Of course, you may also feel guilty about getting rid of things that you bought for yourself but rarely or never used. You remember the excitement of acquiring the item and the hopes you had for improving your life (even in a small way). You’re facing the disappointment in not achieving that aspiration.

What do all these situations have in common? Intentionally or unintentionally, you’re telling yourself a story about the reasons why you should hold onto an item.

How Guilt Affects Your Decluttering Decisions

Consider the types of things that you feel most guilty about getting rid of. With hope, it’s not everything, but chances are your emotions center on the things that you feel an obligation to in some way. If you choose to declutter these things, not only do you clean your home, but you also free your thoughts and emotions from the burden of these items.

That doesn’t mean you should force yourself to get rid of these things. Instead, be patient and kind to yourself as you disentangle your thoughts from these possessions.

Know that feelings of guilt as you declutter aren’t about getting rid of things. Chances are that you’re thinking you’ll disappoint someone in some way if you get rid of an item. The person can be alive or dead, currently a part of your life or not, a specific person or a more generalized “they.”

Explore Why You Feel Guilty

Are you feeling guilty about getting rid of something? Do you find yourself saying, “I’d get rid of this, but …”? Do the words that follow that “but” express your reasons for feeling guilty?

Activity: Think about an item or group of items that you have mixed feelings about. Part of you wants to get rid of something but another part of you feels guilty for even thinking that. Grab a sheet of paper, and in a sentence or two, describe what you’re thinking.

Find the core doubt and write a new sentence beginning with Why do I think … and list that doubt. Write your response to that question. Dig a bit deeper and ask why you think that. Repeat the process of asking a question and answering it until you find that you’re repeating yourself. This is the true obstacle you’re facing when you think of letting go of something.

Feelings Aren’t Reasons for Holding onto Things

Feeling an emotion about an item or group of items doesn’t mean that you must hold onto those things. Instead, it indicates that you need to turn your thoughts to what is truly important to you.

Why are you bothering to declutter your home? Does keeping the things that you really don’t want (but feel guilty about letting go of) support your goal and vision for your home and life?

When you understand the obstacles that you’re facing when you consider letting go of something, you know whether you need to ask a gift giver if you can pass along an item to a new recipient, get a new perspective by talking with a friend, or whether you need to look into finding an organization t

hat gives items directly to individuals in need.

When You Imagine What Others Will Say about Your Decluttering Decisions

Are you afraid of hurting someone’s feelings if you get rid of something that they gave to you? Will they even know? Do you remember everything you’ve given to everyone you know? Is it realistic to expect that they’d notice … or mind?

By holding onto gifts (including things someone was getting rid of as well as inherited items), do you feel like you are protecting someone else’s feelings? What about your own feelings … which you deal with far more often than someone else’s feelings?

What is the worst thing that could happen if you get rid of that thing? Is this imagined a likely consequence?

Remember Your Goal for Organizing Your Home

What are your goals for decluttering your home? Are you prioritizing stuff over those goals? Are you prioritizing the negative stories you’re telling yourself about what you think others would say if they knew you got rid of something that they gave you?

Do you feel that it’s preferable to hold onto things you don’t use or care for so to avoid momentary negative feelings connected to tossing, giving away, or donating those things?

When I’ve talked to people who express regret over something they got rid of, it’s often because they put off decluttering until they were forced to do so (perhaps because of a move) and they didn’t have the time to make intentional decisions.

Deciding If You’re Ready to Let Go

Remember, decluttering isn’t about getting rid of random things because that’s what you do to declutter. No. Decluttering is an intentional process of figuring out what matters to you and what isn’t important to the person you are today.

Activity: If you’re struggling to decide whether you want to hold onto something, move it to a new location where you’ll see it a few times a day. This can help you to view the item in a new way and better judge if you truly enjoy owning it.

Journaling or Visualization Prompt: Think about your reasons for decluttering. You’re doing more than cleaning the house. You’re building a new identity with every decluttering session. You are changing from someone who acquired lots of stuff to someone who is streamlining their home and life by identifying what is and isn’t important to you. Consider the benefits of becoming that person.

Activity: Imagine that your friend wants to get rid of something that they received as a gift or inheritance, but they are concerned that “everyone” will think they are selfish for putting their own feelings over the feelings of the giver. What would you tell your friend?

How to Feel Better about Letting Go of Your Stuff

In some cases, you may be okay with getting rid of things, but you want to do so in the best possible way. This could mean identifying someone you know who could use the items you have or selecting an organization to give the items to. Some organizations (and individuals) will sell the items to raise the money to purchase necessary items. Others will distribute the actual items to needy recipients.

Activity: Identify where you’ll donate items to feel better about letting go of perfectly good items. You’ll know they’ll go to someone who can use them.

Instead of thinking, “I might use this someday,” decide where you’ll donate your stuff before you start decluttering a room. This way, you can change your thinking to “If I donate this today, it will get into the hands of someone who can use this now.”

How to Give Items Away

Consider that giving things away through your local Buy Nothing or Freecycle group can alleviate the guilt of not holding onto something because you know someone who can use it will take it.

Do you live on a street where you can set unwanted items on the curb with a large FREE sign? Seeing how thrilled a new owner is to claim an item can help you feel positive about giving away the items.

Watch for local organizations that are looking for items to stock their fundraising yard sales. You can support your community, clean your house, and free yourself of the burden of telling yourself that you should do “something” with the things you’ve been holding onto.

Letting Go of Things You Received as Gifts

Are you struggling to decide whether you can let go of something that was given to you (as a gift, free hand-me-down, or inheritance)? If you had to spend money on acquiring this item (knowing what you do about how you do or don’t use it), would you pay for it?

If you feel guilty about getting rid of items that a gift giver gave you, consider if they wanted to give you a gift or a burden. Would that person really want you to be trapped into owning something you don’t use or care for?

Or maybe you accepted something as a hand-me-down because you would have felt guilty saying “no” to the giver. You may have thought that you were making life easier for them by taking the item and that they’d be pleased with their generosity and relieved of their guilt about getting the items to a good home.

Did the person expect you to keep that thing forever, even past its usefulness to you?

The Future of Your Possessions

Activity: Not to be morbid but imagine a future where you aren’t able to make decisions about the things you own and now someone close to you must make the choices about what to keep of the things you’ve left behind. Do you want them to feel obligated to hold onto things because they believe all these things were important to you?

If you have possessions that are truly meaningful to you, do others know so they can honor the items in a way you hope for? Write a brief note about these items or make a video talking about these things.

This shouldn’t oblige others to keep these things. However, they may choose to look for a new owner who can appreciate these things the way you did.

Conclusion

Is making the decision to hold onto something so important to you that you’re willing to give up space in your home for it? What things that do matter to you, will you give up so to give space to those guilt-laden items without creating the appearance of clutter?

If you are struggling to let go of things because you feel guilty about making that decision, does storing those things in boxes in your attic, garage, basement, or off-site storage honor the thoughts you have about the person who gave you those things?

Are you holding onto that thing because it was important to someone else?

Ultimately, the decision to keep or let go of something comes down to deciding what is right for you.