While you may want to declutter, you may still find it difficult to let go of possessions. Understanding why you hold onto things can give you insight into why you have clutter.
For years, I struggled to organize my stuff. I couldn’t understand why everything was such a mess considering how much of my free time was devoted to tidying my belongings.
It wasn’t until I emptied my parents’ house and kept wondering why they’d held onto clothing that didn’t fit, books they never read, old bills and bank statements, and more tchotchkes than could be displayed (so much stuff packed into boxes), that I took a good look at my stuff.
It turns out that the problem wasn’t that I didn’t know how to organize. Instead, the cause of my clutter was that I held onto everything “just because.”
Once I realized this, I had an easier time decluttering and then staying organized.
Sometimes, you can get so used to owning stuff that you forget to question why you own it.
The Importance of Clarity when Decluttering
Professional organizer, Barbara Hemphill, has called clutter “delayed decisions.”
Saying, “I might need this someday,” can feel like a decision. But notice that you don’t know when you’ll need the item. Nor are you defining the situation when you’ll use it.
You’re deciding to decide later how you’ll use the item. Or realize that it has no use to you.
This means that a major cause for clutter is a lack of clarity about why you are decluttering.
When I realized that I was holding onto stuff simply for the sake of holding onto it, and I saw how that played out in my parents’ house, I became much clearer about what I wanted to hold onto.
What Is Your Real Reason for Decluttering?
You may not know if an item will be useful to you in the future because you don’t know why you are decluttering.
Your surface reason for getting organized may be a desire for your home to look neater. But why is that important to you?
Being organized is not about aesthetics but about functionality. If a room looks neat but you don’t, or can’t, use the space as it’s intended, then is it really organized?
For example, my husband and I both like cooking and we have a lot of herbs and spices. We went through a few spice racks and dispensing systems that looked nice but didn’t really make using and storing the spices convenient.
Our current system doesn’t look neat, but it works for us.
Whether you’re organizing a shelf or a room, how do you want to use this space? How will decluttering and organizing make your life easier?
The Endowment Effect and Why We Hold Onto things
You may be tempted to hold onto things, not because they are useful, but because they are yours.
In different studies, researchers noticed that people are more likely to hold onto an item that they own than to go out and buy a similar item. This is called the endowment effect.
For example, you’re tempted to hold onto that red shirt in your closet because you could wear it someday. However, if you saw a similar red shirt on the rack in a store, you would glance at it and think, “Why would I buy that? How often do I wear red?”
Have you been holding onto items that you never use simply because you’re used to owning them? Ask yourself while holding an item, “If I didn’t already own this, would I go out of my way to buy it?”
The Ikea Effect and Why We Feel Attached to That Thing
When I first heard of something called the Ikea Effect, I thought it was being said tongue-in-cheek. Nope. This refers to items that we’ve invested time and effort in.
Researchers had people assemble a cubby box from Ikea. People who were allowed to complete the box wanted to take their box home at the end of their participation in the study.
However, people who were interrupted and didn’t finish the box had no interest in taking the pieces home and completing the project there.
The way I see this, this effect can apply to more than just things you’ve crafted or built. Imagine that filing system that you spent hours putting together five years ago … and then never maintained.
The idea that you could go through those file drawers and toss most of the papers there may feel discouraging because you spent so much time organizing all those papers.
Are you attached to things that you crafted, built, or organized even though that stuff is otherwise meaningless and not useful for you?
Ignoring the Changes in Your Life
Many of the things that you no longer use, display, or cherish may have once been important to you. You had that interest. You participated in that hobby. You read books in that genre or subject or author. You used to wear that color or style of clothing.
But life changes. Are you still attached to things that were once important parts of your day because you hope life will go back to the way it once was … or perhaps even because you haven’t acknowledged that your life has changed.
This doesn't mean that you can’t hold onto some things for sentimental reasons. However, what things best exemplify those past moments?
Which memories are best served by holding onto tangible items? Could you take photos of items as reminders?
What’s Going on in Your Life?
“Clutter is the physical manifestation of what’s going on inside of us.” Ryan Nicodemus
Are you complaining about the clutter in your home, but every time you pick up an item from the pile, it no longer seems like clutter?
Are you currently experiencing changes in your life? A recent marriage or divorce? Changes in your health or the health of someone who’s an important part of your life? Did you recently change jobs, go back to school, start dating, have a child, see a child off to college?
If your life is actively changing, you might not be able to identify what to keep and what to get rid of until you’ve settled into your new identity.
However, if you’re trying to bring order to your home right now, focus on the things that are less emotionally loaded.
Purposeful Possession
Professional organizer Kathy Vines defines purposeful possession as a matter of saying, “I’m only going to keep the things that I truly love and use, the things that serve my current life and foreseeable future.”
Read that statement again. Is it one that you could act on?
This goes back to clarity. Can you see how you live your life as opposed to what you wish you were doing (but aren’t doing and aren’t planning to put in the effort for)?
If you’re struggling to declutter, if you have a huge pile of “maybe” items that you just can’t make a decision on, are you being honest about the life you're living and will be living in the foreseeable future?
The Realities of Your Home
As a kid, when I realized that other people’s homes were less cluttered than my parents’ house, my mother explained that those people lived in bigger houses than us. She insisted that if we lived in a bigger house then we would have space for all of our stuff.
But as I grew up, I realized that my family clung to stuff … old magazines, old clothing, every bank statement and paid bill, hand-me-down curtains and towels.
It got to the point where you had to walk sideways to navigate around all the stuff in a room.
Are you holding onto stuff and making life miserable and cramped because you feel you should be able to hold onto everything? Can you really enjoy those things?
Remember, you’re reading this because you are bothered by the clutter.
You Can’t Find What You’re Looking For
If you can’t find what you’re looking for because your home is cluttered, it may be easier to buy a new item as opposed to wasting your time looking for those misplaced items.
Now you have duplicates, which create more clutter. And when you locate the multiple items and bring them together, now you need to decide which to keep and which to donate. You might even be tempted to hold onto duplicates because you recently purchased them.
This is a case of clutter creating more clutter.
You Aren’t Acknowledging What Is
I remember one declutterer proclaiming how proud she was to have finished organizing her closet. She had grouped all her small, medium, large, and extra-large garments by size.
While women’s clothing is atrocious for a lack of size standards, I didn’t think that was the reason for this person’s organizing system. She’d obviously experienced changes in her weight and apparently expected the same in the future.
Hanging clothing in my closet that I can’t wear doesn’t make me feel good about myself. And how old is some of that clothing that doesn’t fit you today?
Will it be fashionable when you go to wear it? Would you really want your reward for losing weight to be a wardrobe of five- or ten-year-old garments?
Clutter is a Buffer
Is your home being cluttered creating an excellent excuse for not inviting people over? Does no one suggest hosting a family get together at your home because of the disorganization?
Are you okay with this? You may even be pleased that this is the case. Clutter may be creating a buffer between you and things that you’d rather not do.
Maybe part of you is thinking, “I should want to invite people into my home,” but you really don’t. Can you be honest with others whom you think would expect to be invited to your home if it was less cluttered?
Can you honor your desire for a more organized home and your disinterest in playing host?
Do You Make the Time to Declutter?
One reason people consistently give for not decluttering is because they don’t have the time. And, honestly, decluttering can take a lot of time, maybe 8 to 12 hours for one room, depending upon how much stuff you have.
If you are already overcommitted, adding decluttering to your schedule may not be useful to your physical or mental wellbeing. However, if you are thinking that you can’t start decluttering until you have an entire day blocked off to deal with a room, you are doing yourself a disservice.
Instead, could you make decluttering a single drawer or shelf or surface your goal for a day? You might not have a day or two to give to decluttering, but you can reframe the process into a series of Little Spaces?
You don’t have two or ten hours to declutter, but could you take 30 minutes to organize a drawer while you watch television or listen to a podcast or audio book?
“I Never Learned How to Stay Organized.”
Maybe your parents weren’t organized and so they couldn’t show you how to get or stay organized. Or they were so organized that they found it easier and faster to do the tasks than to teach the skills.
It doesn’t matter if you are willing to develop these new skills. You won’t change overnight. (It would be wonderful if making a decision to do something led to accomplishing that goal.)
However, taking daily small actions toward becoming organized will add up. Some habits will form instantly whereas others require concerted effort. Without trying, you’ll fail to create change.
Not certain where to start? My Organize Your Home, Organize Your Life program provides a path to lasting change. Learn more, Membership | ALessClutteredLife
“My Stuff Isn’t the Problem.”
If you’re lucky, you live with a person or people who share your values about stuff. However, it’s more likely that a spouse, partner, or child is far more organized or disorganized than you.
If they lean toward being organized, get their input in organizing the house! If they prefer disorder, you may need to create boundaries.
Declare “neat” zones - the shared living spaces in the house. Keep rules about maintaining these spaces simple. If they don’t think of bringing dishes to the sink, then this is a skill they need to learn.
If someone isn’t doing something, are they willfully ignoring a task or do they have no clue that it is something they should be doing?
DON’T think that it will be easier if you just organize their stuff for them. You wouldn’t want someone deciding what they think you should find important and getting rid of the rest. Don’t do that to them.
“Lots of Stuff Inspires My Creativity.”
Yes … but if you can’t see something how is it inspiring you? Disorganizing does not make you creative. If you can see what you have, you can make creative connections in your mind.
Leaving everything out in the open doesn’t help either. You get so used to seeing the same thing every day that you no longer observe its presence.
And do you really need stuff everywhere to be inspired? Can you have a room, or a shelving unit filled with the stuff that inspires you creatively?
I’m Too Overwhelmed to Deal with Everything
If the clutter has been accumulating for a while, you may be struggling just to start. Instead of focusing on your entire home or even a room, start by walking around your home with a trash bag and literally only dealing with trash.
Toss the junk mail, catalogs, and magazines that are more than three months old (do you really want to look at Halloween projects with Valentine’s Day around the corner?).
Get rid of things that are unusable or damaged. Focus on anything out in the open, set on a surface. If you have to think if something is trash, ignore it for now.
Clearing visible areas can help you see the results of even a little bit of effort.
Still feeling overwhelmed. My Organize Your Home, Organize Your Life program guides you through the process of decluttering, organizing, and maintaining order. Learn more here, Membership | ALessClutteredLife
This Thing Is Useful
Useful and used are not the same thing. Yes, something can be useful, but if you aren’t using it, it’s clutter. I know, you may be trying to think of a way to use it, but do you really need that obligation?
Delayed Actions
Do you have things that you are thinking you could use … once you get them fixed or altered?
Have you already replaced the item or found a substitute for it? How long ago did you realize that you could no longer use an item? How much extra work will be involved in fixing that thing? (Trips to the store, doing the tasks, learning how to fix the item.)
Chances are that you’re thinking you’ll fix the item because that would be the “right” thing to do. Consider that getting rid of the item frees you from both the item and the obligation that you haven’t been meeting.
“I Can’t Get Rid of Gifts.”
Think back. Can you remember every gift you’ve ever given to someone? Probably not. Which means that someone else doesn’t remember everything they’ve ever given you.
Once someone gives a gift, it is yours to do with as you wish because … it was a gift.
Yes, there are some people who will expect you to hold onto every gift forever. With hope, this isn’t everyone you know. You may keep the gifts from the person who expects you to keep everything in one spot so that if they ask about x you can produce it (if necessary).
You can also try talking to the person and asking if you can pass along x, y, or z because you know someone who really needs it and see how the gift giver responds. You may think they’re keeping track of items, but they really aren’t.
Using Up an Items Value
Some items become clutter because you’re holding onto it out of some obligation to “use it up.” You never wear that shirt, but you feel that just having it hang in your closet uses up some of its value.
Maybe you’re just waiting for the shirt to go horribly out of fashion, so you know you’ll never wear it.
That supplement was ridiculously expensive and made you gassy … but it remains in your medicine cabinet until it expires so you feel that, in some way, you got your money’s worth.
This Thing Is (Or Will Be a Collector’s Item)!
Just because an item is a collector’s item (or could be someday), doesn’t mean you need to hold onto it.
Have you ever watched Antiques Roadshow or Pawn Stars and listened to someone’s story about the treasured item that once belonged to a parent or grandparent … and the current owner is convinced is therefore worth hundreds or thousands of dollars?
And then they’re told it's worthless or worth a minute fraction of what they believed it was worth?
Are you willing to give up living space in your home to items that may someday be worth something to someone else?
My Family Will Want These Things Someday
Will they? Have you asked? Have you listened to and honored their response?
These Are Sentimental Items. They Aren’t Clutter.
If items are truly meaningful to you and you can keep them without reducing the quality of your life, then hold onto theme.
However, do you need to keep all the things? What items are the best representatives of your memories of someone or someplace?
If the items are packed into boxes, so that you can’t see or interact with them, are they really special to you?
These Items Need to Go to the Right Person
Do you know who that person is … and have you actually asked them if they want those things? Or is the idea of the “right” person for the items more of a concept than a person.
Consider that if you donate the items that the Universe will get those things to the person who needs to use them right now.
“I Don’t Have the Space to Put These Things Away.”
If you don’t have the space to put something away that means that you have too much stuff. Maybe you live in a 400-square-foot tiny home … you still may need to pare down your possessions.
If you can’t put things away because you don’t have the space, you have clutter. You’re making a small living space uncomfortable and dysfunctional by holding onto more than you have the space for.
“If I Get Rid of These Things, My Home Will Feel Bare and Impersonal.”
Decluttering does NOT mean that you have to get rid of everything. In fact, if you clear the clutter, then the things that are truly meaningful to you will have more space to stand out in your home.
“I’ve Had This Thing Forever.”
Clutter can be things that you’ve had for an hour or for decades. If it’s something that you don’t use, display, or cherish, what purpose does it serve in your life?
This goes back to the Endowment Effect, where you’re more likely to keep the things that you own than you would be to acquire that same item. Consider asking, “If I didn’t already own this thing, would I make a point of buying it or asking for it as a gift?”
“If I Put This Away, I’ll Forget About It.”
Ah, Out of Sight, Out of Mind. But sometimes, we can look at something for so long that we don’t really “see” it. It becomes part of the environment of that room.
If you need to keep the item out in the open so you don’t forget about it, what is it that you need to do with this item? If there are associated tasks or a project associated with this, when have you planned to do them?
Can you put the tasks onto your calendar or planner, so the item doesn’t need to be left out in the open? If you’ve left the item out so it reminds you that you need to do something, that isn’t the same as deciding when you’ll do the task.
Obligations
Many of the causes of clutter are connected to obligations you feel toward different possessions. Does the idea of doing all these things weigh you down?
Do you feel hopeless about ever meeting all of these obligations? Remember, decluttering an item not only clears the item from your home, but it also clears the obligation from your to-do list.
Making Decisions
Decluttering is all about making decisions. Remember what professional organizer Barbara Hemphill said about clutter being delayed decisions? How are you delaying your decision to declutter?
Not deciding is also making a decision. I know that I’ve delayed different goals because “I didn’t have the time.” Usually that meant I was overcommitted or that I wasn’t making the time to pursue my goal. In either case, it usually meant that I’d decided that not acting was easier than taking action.
Unless decluttering is tied to dire circumstances, it is a choice, not an obligation to other’s expectations.
You might not be ready to declutter. In that case, can you put a date on your calendar when you will reconsider if you are ready to start getting organized then?
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